Transitions

I have a son. He’s wonderful, he’s handsome, he’s caring, loving and he means the world to me. He’s 18. I love him with all my heart.

He came out to me and his Dad a couple of years ago. Neither of us batted an eyelash. As long as he’s safe and happy, that’s all that matters. I’ve supported him every step of the way. And I’ll never stop loving him.

 

He talks to me about most things in his life, knowing that I’ll never judge him, and I’ll be there for him. I give him advice, and he sometimes takes it, sometimes not. And that’s ok, because advice is always to be offered, not forced upon someone. We’re close, really close. And I love that! How could I not?

He dropped a bombshell on me yesterday. He’s been buying women’s clothes and cross-dressing in his room. Funnily enough, I’m good with that. I really am. Like I said, I want him to be happy. I even told him where to get decent clothes at reasonable prices! I’m being as supportive as I can. He’s my child, and I love him, no matter what.

 

Thing is, he’s been thinking about this for months, and he thinks he might want to try living as a woman. And he’s stumped me. I’ll support any choices he makes, it’s his life and his body, all I can do is be there for him and with him, and love him. I know what a hard decision he’s facing, and my heart breaks for him.

 

Thing is, what do I do? Who can I talk to about how I feel? His Dad isn’t really all that supportive, he thinks it’s just a phase, but what if it isn’t? I’m a horrible person in that I don’t want this to be real, I don’t want my son to be gone. Yes, I know I’ll gain a daughter, but that’s not the point, is it? I feel so selfish for even thinking this, but I can’t help it. I guess lots of parents in my position go through the same thing, conflicting feelings, but it doesn’t stop me from hating myself for it.Maybe I’ll adapt in time, but right now I’m not there yet.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m there for my child, no matter what. I love my child, no matter what. I support my child, no matter what. I’ll be his rock, his shoulder to lean on, his arms to cry in, and his Mum who loves him. Always.

So why am I crying?

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