Remembering LeKZ

For those who haven’t read the backlog, our best friend LeKZ died a few weeks ago, after a long and distressing illness.

For all the antagonism between some of us and them, those of us who knew them and loved them find ourselves missing them more each day. Too many times does one of us think “must tell LeKZ about that”, and then get that sinking feeling when we realise we won’t be having that conversation, ever. It’s not getting easier, but harder. We’re finding ourselves having conversations with them in our head, and we knew them so well that we can easily respond as they would. It almost feels like they’re on the verge of being introjected, but we won’t let that happen. That would be too much, too painful, too wrong for us.

But it’s so hard to let go. Even harder when you know that we’re the executor of the will, and have a room full of their belongings in our house. Constant reminders. It’s heartbreaking to go through her things, stuff that meant something to her, and have to decide what to keep and what to give to charity. The sad remnants of someone’s life, sat in boxes and bags, all there is to show that they were here. Apart from memories, of course. Lots of memories.

The only person/s who knew them, as they were, all of them as individuals, was us. Their names, their personalities, their quirks, loves and hates, habits, voices, nobody knew except us. So it’s down to us to remember them all. We didn’t just lose a friend, we lost so many friends. It kind of feels like a natural disaster wiped out a couple of hundred, and we knew them all.

“There’s just some things that time cannot erase” – Evanescence

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5 thoughts on “Remembering LeKZ

  1. we’ve been thinking of you and we’re sorry you are suffering. LeKZ meant so much to you all, you lost so many loved ones all at the same time. it’s terribly sad. we’re so sorry for your loss.

    we’re around, if you want someone to talk to. we care about you, and it must be hard not being able to talk about them as individuals.

    sending you love. ❤

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    • Thanks so much, all of you. We’ve been thinking about you all too, missing you terribly.
      It is hard, having to talk about them as some amorphous mass, or that’s how it feels to us. Her friends on Fb talk about different aspects of her character, or her mannerisms, and we think, oh that’s so-and-so, or that sounds like such-and-such.
      Whole families are dropping off the map, almost but not quite dormant, too grief-stricken to cope. Others are wandering round in a state of shock and disbelief. A whole section of our population, a lot of frontrunners, are dazed and useless, so we have a different set taking control. That’s ok, it;s good, they’re people who never had contact with LeKZ directly. It’s a big change.
      Thanks for being our friends. We know you’re struggling a bit at the moment, and we do care deeply about you all. We’re not quite ready or able to talk about them in any depth yet, but when we can, I have no doubt we’ll talk to you first. You know us, and what they were to us, and we know you’ll understand. Thanks *hugs*

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  2. O my goodness, this touched my our hearts. We have a best friend,and our so, whose multiple, we think we can understand the depth of it. Its horrendous that you have to deal with the will on top of that loss of your best friend. I’m so sorry for all the pain your going through. hugs xx

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